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5 reasons I hate Twilight and Stephenie Meyer

January 27, 2010

1. The vampires suck! In the bad way!
Ok, I’m a vampire fan. I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer when it began, I read a lot of Anne Rice, I’ve read Dracula multiple times. I was 11 when BtVS started and I started on Anne Rice not long after that. Now I’m more into True Blood/The Southern Vampire Mysteries. The vampires in Twilight are not real vampires. Ok, I can kinda get the whole animal blood thing, whatever, you have guilt. But sparkling in the sunlight? Seriously?

2. I hate Edward Cullen.
He’s creepy. He’s 108 years old, goes to high school, and stalks a 17 year old girl. I don’t care that he was 17 when he was turned, it’s not like he time traveled or anything. He’s 108.

3. I hate Bella Swan.
First of all, that’s one of the most Mary Sue-esque names I’ve ever heard. Which makes sense, because that is what she is. She has no real personality besides being in love with Edward. And she thinks all his creepy stalkerness is romantic. There is something wrong with this girl. I admit, I wasn’t very knowledgeable about romance at 17, but a fucking vampire breaking into my house to watch me sleep would still have freaked the fuck out of me.

4. It’s not well-written.
That’s mainly my book-snob coming out. I’m a big fan of “take it for what it is and don’t expect any more” and that’s why I can watch comic book movies without getting annoyed. But, really, this is not a well-written book. I’ve read plenty of teen books and some were really good. They can be good! It can happen! I don’t feel like quoting it here, but check out this link for an excerpt. It’s just so.. bland. Stephenie Meyer uses ‘big’ words to try to make it sound poetic (or something, I don’t know why anyone needs to use “chagrin” so many times in a book series). It’s almost like the sentences are much too short and concise to use such flowery language. Almost like she writes a sentence, then goes to thesaurus.com to replace most of the words.

5. The fucking vampires go to high school.
These people have obviously had to make up fake identities in order to go to high school. Why not just take college classes? You’re a goddamn vampire! You’re going to live forever unless there’s a really unfortunate event. Why the fuck would you want to go to high school?

So that’s it. I extremely dislike Twilight. Maybe if it had come out when I was 11, I would’ve liked it. For a couple of years, anyway. As I mentioned before, I used to read Anne Rice, but then I got over it.
Yeah, not the most in-depth thing I will write, I just felt like bitching about this goddamn series since it seems I can’t get away from it.

2 comments

  1. I thought I’d buy this book at a bookstore since everyone was raving about it and then they made the movie. Surprisingly, I couldn’t get past the first page. I thought it was me – being too old for vampire romance :D
    Glad to see this ranting – I feel so good that’s it’s not old age ;)


    • I borrowed the first book from a friend and I could barely finish it. It’s not old age, vampire romance can still be good, Stephenie Meyer just does it WRONG. :)



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